Big Brother 13; Episode 15: Who’s Selling the Snake Oil

Lawon

We join our remaining nine after the nomination ceremony in which Jeff and Rachel discover they are on the block. Rachel, once again has a hard time controlling her emotions. She begins to chase Dani around, like a dog following the scent of a squirrel. Dani tells her she’s an idiot and hightails it up to the sanctity of her, I mean Kalia’s HOH room. Shelly warns Rachel to stop her behavior or run the risk of ostracizing herself. Shelly is completely fed up with this woman. Rachel tosses a sour look and heads to the HN room to pack.

Jordan attempts to talk a dry eyed, crying Rachel off the roof of the sound stage. She misses Brendon, too. This is supposed to be his job. Porsche has now distanced herself from her good girlfriend, making Dani’s day. Dani and Kalia are beginning to see the prize that awaits them on September 14^th, Big Brother 13 finale day.

In the kitchen Jeff leads a powwow, expressing how Kalia is following Dani and that people who are waffling in this contest, had better watch out. He’s on a tear. Dani has Kalia eavesdrop through the HOH door and the sensitivity award goes to Kalia who collapses onto the sofa in despair.  Jeff isn’t her target, well not really, but the original strategy was whoever goes, he or Rachel, it would work to the brunettes’ benefit.

The POV random draw begins. Kalia, Rachel and Jeff are already playing. Adam, Shelly and then HG choice are pulled from the bag. Rachel gets to choose Jordan, with the any one but Dani strategy. Shelly heads into the HN room to solidify her undying devotion to JeJo, but Jordan questions her sincerity. At this point paranoia is, along with hurt feelings, running rampant through the house. Even Shelly’s crying now. How could JeJo not trust her? She’s been nothing but loyal, except when she’s been making Trojan horse deals with Dani and Kalia. Jeff bites a pickle and trots after Shelly to apologize. He forces a pinky swear that neither will back stab the other and finally gets a smile out of Shelly when he asks, “Ok, should we make out now?” “NO, we should not,” she giggles.

Ancient Greece is the theme of the POV competition. With Lawon and Dani sitting this one out, Porsche emcees the afternoon. Long ramps with an apex at the top are set up in the back yard. The players must roll a golden orb (ball) up the ramp and catch it before it rolls down the other side. The first to hit 300 points, wins. If a ball drops to the ground, the contestant must begin again at zero.

The girls have trouble with their hand/eye coordination and Rachel even performs a nosedive to catch an errant orb, to no avail. Dani spends her time mentally ragging on the red head. Lawon continues to look all pimped out and godlike on the sidelines. It’s his true medium. Jordan’s main concern is Adam being in the lead by a small margin over Jeff. “As of right now, he’s got more balls than Jeff,” Jordan declares, followed by her covering her mouth like a third grader who got caught swearing in the principal’s office.

The competition drags on, with Kalia pretty much giving up and cheering for Jeff. She needs him to win in order to get out of her predicament. If he does, she’ll be able to say, see? I told you so. Right, that will appease the big guy. Good plan. This is irritating Dani to the max. Is she losing control over her newbie protégé? Inevitably it’s clear this is a horse race between Adam and Jeff, as they head toward a photo finish. In the end, Jeff squeaks by with a count of 300 to 298. Everyone but Rachel is glad the marathon is over. She knows she’s doomed unless she can work out a deal with the HOH.

Once again, Jordan grabs her pompoms and cheers for Rachel’s team. Both she and Jeff see the importance of keeping her in the competition. Rachel is clearly a major target and as long as she sticks around, everyone else can feel more secure.  But, for right now, Jordan has other things on her mind. If Kalia puts her in the chair as a renom, our little southern belle will head to the Tarot room to conjure up Scarlett O’Hara and shoot someone in the face.

Jejo plant themselves on the HOH room sofa and watch Kalia perform a high wire act over their heads. I knew you could do it, blah blah blah. Jeff isn’t buying this risk taker attitude and pretty much pulls the net out from under Kalia. In a final bid to save herself from a future neck breaking fall, Kalia promises Jordan is safe from renom.  This leaves, Porsche, Dani, Lawon and Adam as potential heart donors. We can cross Dani off the list immediately for obvious reasons, as well as Porsche because the blonde is a major floater and could potentially end up out the door, even against Rachel. Oh, what to do?

For a full 15 seconds of airtime, Adam decides since he just had his 40^th birthday, it’s time to shave off his beard. Lawon labels the big dude now “handsomefied,” while Shelly looks on with horror. Next…..

Rachel grovels at Kalia’s feet, promising her Brenchel’s firstborn son if she will put up a floater and keep her in the game.  When that doesn’t work, she offers up JeJo’s firstborn as well. Kalia asks if she does save her, will Rachel go after Dani? Rachel admits immediately, yes, but Kalia should be thinking about her own survival at this point. So, at the next opportunity, Kalia lies to Dani and tells her Rachel has promised keep them both safe for the next week. Dani’s frustration level is skyrocketing at this point, so she jumps into her hamster cage and begins to spin her wheel like she just might get somewhere. She must figure out a plan B. By the way, wouldn’t you love to play poker with Dani? The playing with her hair is a dead giveaway.

Lawon and Porsche join the HOH party as Kalia strategizes. A huge lightbulb goes off over everyone’s heads when Lawon offers himself up for eviction. Not as a pawn who won’t be voted out, but a real evictee. He figures with this week’s twist, he’ll be right back in via some magical revolving door. Little does he know, he’ll need to fight for the right to return. On top of this, he may think oh well, if it doesn’t work, I’ll be in the jury house, collecting my stipend and writing that next great American novel. Ah, but here’s the catch. If one of the evictees comes back in, the will still be four people left out and it isn’t until the fifth person is evicted that the jury begins, so he may be sent back to his hometown after all. ‘Lawon, you’re fired!’ This brings us to Keith. Remember him? Poor dude has been in solo sequestration for over five weeks. I bet the hotel maid is beginning to look pretty good by now.

Anyway, Lawon’s level of delusion is pretty high. He believes he’ll be coming back with some special powers. Like what, a new wardrobe with a matching magic wand? Kalia sees this as a perfect chance to keep her word without making the pawn angry. Ding, ding, ding –SCORE! Sorry Kalia, but your level of delusion is right up there with Lawon’s. If you think everyone will love you and all the past will be wiped out, you may need to speak with the house shrink. You’ll never shed the lapdog title.

Jeff announces the POV ceremony and as predicted takes himself out of the hot seat. Kalia replaces him with Lawon, who mopes around the house later as if he’d been blindsided. The other HGs know something fishy is going on, but let him rant. In the DR, Kalia is all happy, Jeff reiterates this HOH remains on his shit list, and Rachel wants to burst into song. She promises no more tears. This is her second chance and she’s determined to cause some major damage. Watch out Dani.

So, the eviction ceremony should be a good one. Who will win the opportunity to come back and go head to head against Lawon – Cassi, Dominic, Keith or Braendon? Is the voting system on the up and up or will the producers make the final call for the sake of ratings?  Who was this week’s winner of the Fool Award, Kalia or Lawon?

The clock is ticking Big Brother fans.

Photo Credit: CBS